


you are loved, you are loved (more than you know)

by mischief7manager



Series: with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Childbirth, F/M, Families of Choice, Family, Future Fic, Gen, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 03:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11865408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischief7manager/pseuds/mischief7manager
Summary: "Keyleth thinks about the family she and Vax could make, together. She thinks of Vax, one of the village children in his arms, and her mind shifts until the child’s hair is long and red, their mouth curved in a familiar wicked smile.Oh, she thinks. Oh.Okay."After years of quiet, Keyleth's ready to embark on a new adventure.Or: everything up to this point in Keyleth's life has been complicated. It figures this would be, too.





	you are loved, you are loved (more than you know)

**Author's Note:**

> FINALLY
> 
> hey y'all, i'm back!!! it's only been *mumble mumble* months since i started this fic, but it's finally here! welcome to the third installment of the "i just want vax and keyleth to have nice things" series, hope you enjoy
> 
> a couple content notes before we get started: this fic contains depictions of pregnancy and childbirth. although neither are depicted, it also contains frank discussion of of miscarriage and abortion. be safe babes.
> 
> and another thing (containing spoilers for this fic so uh. read it and come back if you're worried? i guess?): if you've read the previous fic in this series, you'll know that vax and keyleth's kids are kallara and kellindar, a girl and a boy. in this fic, keyleth gives birth to twin girls. between the writing of the last fic and the writing of this one, i decided that kel was an afab trans boy. i've edited a bit of "you begin anyway" to clarify that. and there will be one more fic in this series, and it will be from kel's perspective. he'll get to tell his own story. 
> 
> that said, i'm a cis woman, so if i've screwed up in any way in writing this, please tell me. i don't generally ask for concrit, but i will for this. so, uh. let me know?
> 
> thanks for reading this absurdly long author's note. enjoy the fic, i've been working on it for a Real Long time.

Keyleth doesn’t wake up one morning and decide that she wants kids.

Or- she does, kind of, but the thought’s been building for a lot longer than that. She and Vax have been together for six years, married for three, and. Well. 

Keyleth loves her people. She loves being headmaster, loves being able to hear the Ashari’s concerns and problems and personally devote herself to making them better. She loves the community of Zephra, how it’s constantly growing and evolving, how everyone works together to make it so. She loves being able to look at where she is and know that she’s doing good, and to have her people by her side when she does.

Keyleth loves her people. But  _ holy shit _ , they are a bunch of gossipmongers. 

It’s not like this is a surprise, exactly. Zephra’s pretty isolated, so outside news is scarce, and while everyone is very inventive in coming up with ways to keep the days entertaining, the small-town rumor mill is constant and unchanging. Who’s marrying who, who’s sleeping with who, who’s having babies, whose crops are growing, whose crops are dying, who did what at the last festival. And while Keyleth keeps herself pretty much to herself, she is the headmaster, daughter of the last headmaster. She’s kind of high profile.

It started before she and Vax were even married. The sly comments, the mentions of their “family” and “passing on the legacy”. That week she got the summer flu was the worst. She’s still not sure if she hated the nausea or the morning sickness jokes more.

“It’s not even that I’m  _ opposed _ , necessarily,” she tells Vax one night, after they’ve gone to bed. “It’s the  _ principle _ of the thing. Like, why should any of them give a fuck if we want to have kids or not? What business is it of anybody’s?”

He smiles. “They love you,” he says, running a hand up and down her arm. “They want you to be happy.”

“Yeah, but-” She sighs. “Why do they assume that having kids is the way to do that?”

Vax squeezes her shoulder. “I imagine because the people that say those things had children, and it made them happy, so.” He shrugs.

“Do you think it would?” He frowns, and she clarifies. “Having kids. Do you think it would make us happy?”

She means it idly, another hypothetical to kick around. She hasn’t given it much thought herself, too busy for too long with the concrete problems of the present to consider the abstract possibilities of the future. She likes kids well enough, but she’s never had strong feelings about having her own, positive or negative.

The way Vax’s face shutters, though, makes her think he’s coming from a different place. 

“Vax?” 

He swallows. “You make me happy,” he says finally, and kisses her, and she drops it, but.

Keyleth knows what Vax looks like when he wants something, and she knows what he looks like when he thinks he’ll never get it. And they’ve been together for six years and married for three and she thought he was done hiding himself from her, but  _ apparently _ this is something he’s been thinking about for a while, which means it’s something she needs to be thinking about too.

So Keyleth thinks. And watches. And thinks. 

She thinks about her parents. Kohren and Vilya had wanted children for a long time before they had her, and having her was kind of… Her dad used to say, “miraculous.” It was a difficult pregnancy, and a difficult delivery, for her and for her mom, and even when she didn’t know the details, Keyleth grew up knowing how desperately she was wanted. For the sake of having someone to pass down the traditions and cultures of the Ashari, yes, but also for the sake of herself. For the sake of being a daughter to her parents. Or, to her father, at least. She’s still got a lot to unpack when it comes to her mom, but her father was always very clear: she was wanted. Some days it seems like more of a gift than others.

She watches Vax. He’s settled into his role in the village, part weapons trainer, part guard leader, part right hand to the headmaster. He fields a lot of the problems that people are too nervous to come to Keyleth about, for whatever reason, and he handles them deftly. He’s good with them, with her people, which she’s known for a while, but now she finds herself focusing on his interactions with the children. He’s kind, always, his expressions and his stance soft and open in a way she’s rarely seen anywhere else. He’s lighter, with the children, as if the years of pain and hardship that shaped him melt away, leaving only joy and tenderness, and such gentle, gentle hands. 

She thinks about Vax’s parents. Vax and Vex were loved by their mother, she’s sure, but they weren’t wanted. Not in the way she was. And certainly not by their father, who even now, the few times she’s seen them interact, regards his children with, at most, a distant disappointment. Vax’s mother loved him, but he was taken from her so long ago, he’s told Keyleth, he sometimes wonders how much of his memory of her is real, and how much he made up himself, his mind’s attempt to comfort him in the wake of her loss. The love, at least, he is sure of, but they both know that love, on its own, is not enough.

She thinks about their marriage. The trust and stability they’ve worked for, continue to work for. The promise they made to always have each other’s back, to support each other, to each take the other as they are, the good and the bad. She thinks about the family they made in Vox Machina, in each other. She thinks about the family she wanted when it felt like she had none. 

She thinks about the family she and Vax could make, together. She thinks of Vax, one of the village children in his arms, and her mind shifts until the child’s hair is long and red, their mouth curved in a familiar wicked smile. 

_ Oh _ , she thinks.  _ Oh. _

_ Okay. _

 

* * *

 

Next, of course, she has to talk to Vax about it.

“So about us having kids.”

She really needs to stop timing her starting important conversations with Vax taking a drink.

“What about us having kids?” he says, once he’s stopped choking on his tea. “Who said anything about us having kids?”

She shrugs. “Nobody.” She bites her lip, fiddling with her mug. It’s breakfast, another day of work ahead of them, and maybe she should have waited to have this conversation, but the waiting always makes it worse. For her, anyway. It lets her spend time thinking of all the ways it could go wrong, all the stupid things she could say, all the bad reactions he could have. Better just to do it and have it done.

“I’ve just… I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking about it, is all.”

Vax swallows. “About us having kids.”

Keyleth nods. “Yeah. Do you want to?”

Vax is silent, for what feels like a very long time. “I wasn’t aware that… that was a possibility,” he says finally, very quietly.

Keyleth frowns. “Why not?”

“We don’t exactly…” Is he  _ blushing _ ? “We don’t really… do the things that… you know, that… produce children.”

She blinks. “Oh.” 

It’s true. Keyleth has no desire for sex, never has. She’d been afraid of telling Vax in the beginning, afraid of ending things before they started, but he’d assured her that he didn’t need sex to be a part of their relationship in order to be happy. So they’d gone about their lives, and she hadn’t thought about it any more than that.

“We could, though.”

Vax coughs. “What?”

“We could. Have sex.” She lifts one shoulder. “If we wanted.”

Vax blinks. “...I don’t understand.”

She sighs. “Look, it’s not that I hate the idea of having sex, it just- It never appealed to me, you know?  _ But- _ ” She picks up her mug, rolls it around in her hands. “If we wanted to try, you know. The whole having a kid thing.” She sets her mug down. “I’d be willing to give it a go.”

Vax blinks. Again. “Kiki, I-” He swallows. “Is this- Is this what you want? Do you want to- to start a family?”

Keyleth smiles. “Yeah. I do.” Vax is still silent, and she feels her heart leap into her throat. “Do- do you?”

Vax takes a deep breath. “Do I want- gods,  _ Keyleth. _ ” He’s gripping his mug of tea so tightly his knuckles have turned white. She reaches across the table to take his hand, and he latches onto her like she’s the only thing keeping him from drowning. “Starting a family with you, raising  _ children _ with you… Watching you be mother to my child…” His hold on her hand tightens. 

“Yes,” he says. “Yes, I want that.”

She smiles. “Good.” She stands up, just enough to lean over the table and kiss him. It’s soft and gentle, the same kiss they’ve shared every morning for years, and it settles warm in the center of her chest. “I have work to do,” she says when she pulls away, just enough to be able to look Vax in the eyes, “but, um. Tonight, we could- Get started?” She winces as her voice rises abruptly in pitch. “If you want?”

Vax’s eyes widen. “Tonight? Are you sure? We don’t have to rush, Keyleth, we could-”

Keyleth nods. “I’m sure.” She brushes a stray lock of dark hair back from her husband’s face. “I’m not good with waiting.”

He smiles. “I’ve noticed.” 

Vax stands, setting his mug aside, and pulls her to him. Keyleth wraps herself in his familiar embrace, ducking her head to hook her chin over his shoulder. “I love you,” she says, half into his hair.

She feels him turn to press a kiss to her temple, being careful of the antlers. “I love you, too, Keeks.” 

The rest of the day passes uneventfully, for the most part. The village is getting ready for harvest, so there’s a million and one things to prepare, but until it’s actually time to harvest, there’s not a whole lot to actually  _ do _ . Which means Keyleth spends most of the day talking herself down from nervous anticipation, the kind that knots her stomach and makes her hands shake. 

_ It’s Vax _ , she tells herself.  _ Even if it’s new, and strange, it’s with Vax. It’s FOR Vax. For both of you.  _

_ For your family. _

And that thought, the thought of their hypothetical future child, is the thought that carries her through the day, into the evening, back into their house, waiting for Vax to get home. When he does, they both just sort of look at each other for a moment. 

Keyleth is the first to break the silence. “Hi,” she says.

Vax smiles. “Hi.”

He steps forward, tilts his head just that little bit up to kiss her. She melts into it, brings her hands up to tangle in his hair. 

After a few long moments, he pulls away. “You still want to do this?”

She nods, rests her forehead against his. “Yeah. I do.”

Vax takes a shaky breath. “Alright, then.” 

He kisses her again, and she keeps her fingers twined with his as they make their way back to the bedroom.

 

* * *

 

Keyleth wakes up the morning after having sex expecting to feel different. And she does, kind of. She usually doesn’t wake up sore, and especially not in- the places she’s sore right now, but she was half expecting some kind of earth-shattering revelation. Some radical shift, in herself, in her marriage, in the world, really. 

Instead, she rolls over and tucks herself under Vax’s arm, like any other morning, and he pulls her to his chest and drops a kiss to the top of her head, like any other morning. “You alright?” he asks.

She considers. “Yeah,” she says, shifting until she’s propped up enough to see his face. “I’m okay.”

Vax raises a hand, brushes some hair back from her cheek. “You sure?” he asks. His voice is soft so as not to shatter the morning calm, but his brow is furrowed. “I don’t- I know I asked, before, and… during, I guess, but- Was that… was it good? Are you alright with it?”

Keyleth thinks. “I’m okay with it,” she says. “It’s not- I don’t think it’ll ever be something I want just for the sake of it. Like, parts of it were nice, and parts of it were uncomfortable, and a lot of it was just kind of  _ weird _ -” Vax snorts at that, and she shoves him. “But yeah, I’m good. If this is what needs to happen, I’m good.” She trails her fingers over the planes of his chest, tracing the scars she knows as well as her own. “I’ve done things I disliked way more than last night to try and get things I wanted a lot less than I want a kid.”

“Our kid.” Vax’s correction is gentle, and she looks up and sees the warmth in his gaze and can’t help but smile.

“Our kid.” She cranes her neck to kiss him, then wrinkles her nose. “Who’d better not inherit their father’s  _ horrific _ morning breath, Vax, holy  _ shit _ -”

He pushes her off the bed.

 

* * *

 

It’s not quite as easy as that. Vasselheim wasn’t built in a day, after all, and getting pregnant turns out to be… slightly more complicated than anticipated. 

They don’t tell anyone that they’re trying. For one thing, Vax says, it’s really not anyone else’s business, and for another, Keyleth says, well. They don’t really have anything to show for it. It just seems weird to tell other people. “Oh, by the way, my husband and I are banging on the semi-regular, can’t wait to get knocked up, what’s new with you?”

She actually says that exact thing to Vax at one point. He chokes on his own spit. It’s pretty hilarious.

In the back of her head, though, Keyleth is trying her best to be cautious. It took her parents a very long time to get pregnant. It takes most people a very long time to get pregnant. It’s not something that happens overnight, and it might not happen for a while, and there’s no point getting their hopes up.

Which is why it’s so surprising to realize, nearly six months after they started trying, that her monthlies haven’t come.

It’s not a big deal, by itself. Her cycle hasn’t always been super regular, especially at times when she’s stressed or not eating normally, so she gives it a full week after she notices that she’s late. Just a week, in case it’s a false alarm, no need to get excited.

One week later, they still haven’t come.

“I’m late,” she tells Vax after dinner. 

His head tilts. “Late for what? I thought you were free for the evening.”

She chuckles, a little. “No, I mean- My cycle. It’s late.”

She can see the moment when he gets it. His eyes widen, and he lets out a soft sigh. “Oh. You mean- Are you-”

“I don’t know.” Keyleth bites her lip. “I can find out?”

Vax’s eyebrows raise. “You can?”

She nods. “Yeah. It’s a fairly simple spell, I learned how to do it ages ago, helping my dad out with healings and stuff.”

“And you haven’t done it already?”

She smiles. “I was waiting for you.”

Vax gets that look on his face, the one where it’s like he can't believe something this good is allowed to happen to him. She’s spent a long time convincing him that he deserves happiness, just as he’s done the same for her, but his own joy still seems to take him by surprise sometimes. “Alright,” he says, and steps over to take her hands, “alright. What do you need to do?”

Keyleth lets out a breath. “There’s some- in my bag, there’s some spell components, and then I just- cast it? I guess?” Her hands are shaking in Vax’s, just a bit, and he squeezes gently. She closes her eyes and breathes. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s do this.” 

Vax presses a kiss to her cheek. “Whenever you’re ready, love. Take your time.” 

Keyleth rests her forehead against his for a moment, then pulls away to grab her bag. “Okay,” she says, squeezing his hand. “Okay.”

It takes a few minutes for her to prepare the ritual. She does so by rote, working even as her mind whirls. She sits cross-legged on their floor, Vax perched on the bed next to her shoulder, watching her work with the same soft admiration he always has for her magic. It keeps her hand steady as she finishes her preparation. “Okay,” she says, as much for her own benefit as for her husband’s, “so. I’m gonna cast the spell, and this-” she gestures to the crystal in the center of the arrangement, “-is gonna glow. White if I’m not- you know, and green if- yeah.” 

Vax’s hand comes to rest on her shoulder. “I love you, whatever the spell says. You know that right?”

She places a hand over his. “Yeah,” she says, glancing back at him and smiling. “I know.” Then she takes a deep breath and begins casting, the nature magic welling up inside her and flowing from her fingers to center around her belly. 

There’s a long moment where nothing happens. Then the crystal lifts up from the floor and shines out, unmistakably, green.

Keyleth gasps. Her concentration breaks and the crystal clatters to the floor, falling dark at once. 

“Keyleth?” Vax’s hand is back on her shoulder, concern in his voice, and some part of her registers that she should answer him, but it’s like everything around her has slowed to the point of stopping. Her body, her mind, her heart, all frozen in this moment of realization. 

“Keyleth?” Vax, again, and this time he’s slid off the bed to kneel next to her, taking her face in his hands. “Keyleth, please, say something.” 

“I’m pregnant.” It’s the first time she’s let herself say the word out loud, too scared of what it meant to let it pass her lips, and it hangs in the silence of the room like the toll of a bell. “I’m  _ pregnant _ ,” she says again, and without thinking she drops her hands from the air to press against her belly. It’s so stupid, it’s not like she’s gonna feel anything this early on, but she looks down at her hands, spreads them over her abdomen like she can see any sort of difference. “I’m pregnant,” she says, and looks up to Vax and sees her own overwhelmed joy-fear-astonishment in his face. “Vax, I’m pregnant-” she says, and then she’s hugging him, or he’s hugging her, and then it’s just a tangle of limbs and tears and laughter on the floor of their bedroom, and she doesn’t say anything other than that for a while.

 

* * *

 

They tell her father first.

Well, technically her father is the first to find out. Vax writes the letter to Vex, and by extension Percy, that same night, and sends it off the next morning, but since Kohren is in the village, and not thousands of miles away, he’s the first to know. 

They keep it to themselves for a couple of days, this secret thing between them that they only talk about in whispers, at night, like it’s a dream and acknowledging it anywhere else will wake them up and it’ll be gone. Keyleth catches herself pressing a hand to her belly at random moments, like she’s checking for a bump, even though she knows she’s not gonna show for another month or so at the least. Vax is doing the same, coming up behind her and dropping his chin to her shoulder, folding his hands over her stomach so gently it makes her want to cry. 

The point being, they’re not very subtle, and she’d rather her dad find out from them than put it together himself, so a few days after the spell, they have Kohren over for dinner. Vax cooks, of course, since even after all these years Keyleth still can’t cook anything more complicated than roasting game on a spit, and they talk about nothing in particular. It’s nice, getting to spend time with her father without any world-ending urgency pressing on them, and she smiles at how easily Vax and Kohren get along. Once Vax got past the idea that he had to impress her father, they fell into a comfortable relationship. She sips at her tea as they discuss the village and the coming harvest. Vax has some ideas about how to work guard rotations around shifts in the fields to maximize productivity without overworking the people, and Kohren is genuinely interested in his opinions. 

Vax catches her watching. “What?”

She takes his hand. “Nothing. I’m just happy.”

Kohren smiles. “I’m glad.” He pushes back his chair. “I should be going, I suppose. It’s getting late.”

“Um, actually, Dad-” Keyleth exchanges a glance with Vax. “There’s something we wanted to talk to you about.” 

Kohren sits back down, looking from Keyleth to Vax and back. “Nothing serious, I hope.”

Keyleth shakes her head. “No! Well, I mean- yeah, but not like,  _ bad _ serious. Good serious. I mean, I hope you think it’s good,  _ I  _ think it’s good-” 

Vax squeezes her hand, and she cuts herself off. “Um. So. I’m. I’m pregnant.” 

Her father sits back in his chair. “You’re pregnant.” It’s not a question.

Keyleth swallows. “Um. Yeah. About-” She looks to Vax, who just holds her hand tighter. “About six weeks along, I think. I haven’t- I haven’t gone to a healer yet, I did the tests myself, but.” Kohren’s not looking at her, and it’s so not what she was expecting that she finds tears welling in her eyes. “Dad, are you- I thought you’d be happy for us.”

Kohren does look at her then. His face softens and he reaches across the table to take her other hand. “I am, Keyleth. Truly. Children that are wanted as this one is are a blessing, and I wish nothing but health and happiness for you and yours. But…” 

He sighs, and Keyleth is struck by the revelation that her father is… He’s not old. Not really, not for a half-elf, but. He’s getting older. It’s such a stupid thing to think, like-  _ of course _ her father is getting older, that’s what happens to people, but it’s not a concept she’s ever applied to her _ dad _ . He looks old, now, sitting in front of her. Old beyond his years. 

“You know that your mother’s pregnancy was… difficult,” he says. Keyleth nods, he’s told her that, but he goes on. “In truth, carrying you, giving birth to you… It nearly killed her. And you were not…” He lets go of her hand, runs his fingers over his eyes. “You were the only pregnancy your mother was able to carry to term. We conceived… three times. Before you. None of them were…” He takes a deep breath. “She lost the child, each time.”

Keyleth can’t breathe. “I didn’t… I never knew.”

“I never told you.” Kohren sighs. “I am happy for you,” he looks from her to Vax, “both of you. But, Keyleth.” He takes her hand again, and she sees, with a clench in her gut, that tears are welling in his eyes, too. “You have inherited so much from your mother, for good or ill. I suppose I’m afraid you may have inherited this as well, and-” He cuts himself off, searching for words. “I would never wish that pain on anyone, least of all you.” 

Vax speaks. “We knew…” He looks to Keyleth, worry clear on his face. “We knew there was a chance… For this kind of risk, but-” 

“But.” Keyleth smiles, a little shaky, a little watery, but a smile nonetheless. “We decided a long time ago that we weren’t going to live our lives in fear of risks.” She lets out a breath and looks back to her father. “I need to see a healer, then,” she says, already planning. “I was gonna wait until later in the pregnancy, but I should probably take myself out of the guard rotations now. And I’ll cut back on the magic, especially the beast shaping, although I don’t know- Is there someone I can talk to about that? Magic and pregnancy and what effect it might have on the baby? Ooh, we should write to Pike-”

She’s cut off by her father standing abruptly and pulling her into a hug. She leans into it, as she always has, even now that she’s too tall for him to tuck under his chin like he did when she was little. “I love you, Keyleth,” he says, before releasing her to draw a startled Vax into his own embrace. “I am happy for you,” he says, patting Vax’s back before letting him go.

“Thanks, Dad,” Keyleth says. They see him out, with promises to keep him posted on any possible change to her condition. As soon as he’s on his way, Keyleth goes and sits on their bed, dropping her head into her hands.

She feels Vax take a seat next to her. “You alright?”

“Yes.” She huffs. “No.” She brushes her hair back from her face. “I wish he’d told me. I mean, I can’t- It must be awful for him to talk about, but-”

“Would you still have wanted this?” She looks over at Vax. He’s looking down at his hands, fingers lacing and unlacing in his lap. “If you’d known the risks. Would you still have wanted to try?”

Keyleth sighs. “Honestly? I don’t know.” She takes a breath, then another. “But, we’re here now. I’m pregnant, we can’t change that.”

“We could.” She looks over and finds Vax, as solemn as she’s ever seen him, like it’s causing him pain even to put voice to what he’s thinking. “I’m no herbwife, but… There’s options. If you- If you’ve changed your mind.”

“Vax…” She knows what he’s talking about, obviously. It’s no secret among the Ashari, that someone who falls pregnant can go to the healers if they don’t want to be. Keyleth’s helped the healers administer the potions, to people too young or too ill-equipped to be parents, or those for whom carrying a child to term would be too physically risky. It’s a part of life, sure, but considering it for herself... “Vax, is that… Is that what you want?”

He takes her hand in both of his. “I don’t want to lose you. If- If carrying a child is too dangerous for you, if it’s going to hurt you-”

“Then we’ll deal with it.” She takes his hand and puts it on her belly. “We’ll figure it out, together. That’s what I want.” She bites her lip, fear washing over her. “Is that- Is that what you want?”

He looks down at his hand, fingers splayed over her still mostly flat stomach, then back at her face. “I want us to be a family,” he says, so small she almost doesn’t hear it.

She leans over to rest her head on his shoulder. “We will be,” she says, twining her fingers with his where they rest against her stomach, turning away from the worry swirling up inside her. “I promise.”

 

* * *

 

Vex arrives as she usually does, swooping into the village like a windstorm. Keyleth’s honestly surprised it’s taken this long; Vax wrote to her almost four months ago telling her the news. Though, to be fair, being a baroness does come with responsibilities, even for so unconventional a baroness. 

She shows up with Trinket in tow, her loyal companion grey in the muzzle and stiff in the joints, but just as slobbery with his affection as ever. He’s gentle with Keyleth, though, after sniffing the now visible swell of her belly and giving her a congratulatory lick. She takes a moment so lean into him, burying her face in the soft fur on the nape of his neck, breathing in his familiar bear smell. This, at least, hasn’t changed. 

They exchange the usual pleasantries. Vex brings with her news from Whitestone, and from others of their friends she’s stopped in to see on her travels. In particular, she brings word that Pike is making her way to Zephra, and intends to be there in good time to help with the birth. Keyleth lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, and she can see Vax relaxing in the same way. Keyleth knows the healers in the village, knows they’re more than capable of helping her through the delivery, but.

She trusts Pike completely. She has for a very long time. And even though it’s been years since they fought together, Pike has literally held Keyleth’s life in her hands, and that kind of connection doesn’t fade with time or distance. Keyleth can’t think of anyone she trusts more with the safety of her child. 

They get Vex settled in to the guest room that isn’t going to be a guest room for much longer, and it’s only a little while later that she shoos Vax out of the house. “Go find something pointy to sharpen, brother,” she says, waving him away as she flops into a chair at their kitchen table. “I’ve got practically a year of girl talk to catch up on.” 

Vax rolls his eyes, but he goes, after pressing a kiss to Keyleth’s temple. She eases down into her own chair, slow and unwieldy like everything about her seems to be these days. “So,” she says, leaning heavily against the seat in an attempt to ease the now-constant tiredness in her bones, “how’s things? What’s the news?”

Vex raises an eyebrow. “Really? You want to talk about me?” She shoots a significant look at Keyleth’s belly. “Now?”

Keyleth absently runs a hand over her stomach. “Hey, it’s been a while, I don’t know what’s going on with you. How are the crops in Whitestone coming in?”

“Good. The farmers think we’ll have a better harvest than last year.”

“Have you finished construction on the airship dock?”

“Nearly, but Percy’s got some last minute additions he insists on testing first.”

“Has Cassandra made a decision about the ambassador from Ank’Harel?”

“She intends to marry her within the year, once the trade negotiations are settled. They make a rather nauseatingly adorable couple, truth be told.”

Keyleth opens her mouth, then shuts it again. Vex just grins, completely seeing through her attempts at distraction. “Something on your mind, darling?” she asks. 

Keyleth purses her lips. “It’s nothing. I’m just- being stupid, it’s fine.”

“Keyleth.” Vex leans across the table and takes her hand. “If something’s bothering you, you can tell me, you know that.”

“What if I’m a crappy mom?”

And there it is. The question she’s been avoiding for the last six months, the fear she’s kept hidden from her father, from Vax, from everyone. It’s not what she’d meant to say, at all, but she’s always been crap at saying what she’s supposed to, and,  _ gods _ , she’s missed Vex, because she can talk to Vex in a way she can’t with anyone else. Not with Vax, who she loves, but who will always,  _ always _ , say what he thinks will fix her problem, even if it’s not what he actually thinks is right. Not with Percy, who she loves, but who will always come off a little like he’s conducting an academic debate, even if she’s telling him something made of pure emotion. Not with her father, who she loves, but who will always make her feel as though she has to prove something to him, even when she knows he doesn’t think that way at all. 

She needs Vex, who will tell her the gods’ honest truth, as she sees it, even if it hurts, even if it makes her feel like a terrible person, and will love her through it anyway. And she can only have this conversation with Vex, because pretty much anyone else would have responded to her question immediately, saying how of course she wouldn’t be a crappy mom, how silly of her to think so, but Vex-

Vex just sits, eyes widening, and lets her speak. 

“I mean it,” Keyleth says, unable to stop the flood of words now that she’s started, “what if I’m just- what if I’m shit at it? I mean, it’s not like I have like, an abundance of parental role models, you know? I mean, I’ve got my dad, and he’s great, but he’s a  _ dad _ , he’s not a mom, and frankly, I’m still kind of pissed off at some of his dad decisions, so I don’t really know how much inspiration I want to draw from that particular area. And it’s not like Vax is any better, in the parents department, which- I mean, you know that, obviously, but- if  _ neither  _ of us know what the  _ fuck _ we’re doing-”

“Keyleth.”

Keyleth slams her jaw shut. This is the other thing she needs Vex for, to know when to let her ramble and when to step in, because gods, she feels like she could just word vomit for hours about this, this fear that’s been building inside her almost since she found out she was pregnant, since she realized this was  _ real _ .

Vex bites her lip, then leans across the table and takes Keyleth’s hands. “First of all, darling,” she says, and Keyleth feels tears spring to her eyes, she missed Vex  _ so much _ , “the impression I get is that no one who has children knows what the fuck they’re doing, so. You’re not alone in that, at least.” 

Keyleth chuckles, watery and uneven. “That’s not especially reassuring, you know.”

“I know.” Vex squeezes her hand. “Second of all, if you think my brother would let you do anything that he thought was harmful to your child, you’re a fucking moron.” That does make Keyleth laugh, and Vex smiles at it. “He’ll be watching out for you, just like you’ll be watching out for him. See-”

She sits up a little straighter, pulls Keyleth’s hands a little closer. “That’s the thing, Keyleth, you’re not doing this alone.”

Keyleth nods. “I know. I’ve got Vax.”

Vex shakes her head. “Not just Vax. You’ve got your father, your people.” She flips one of Keyleth’s hands so she can twine their fingers. “You’ve got your family, myself included. Whatever you’re scared of, you’ve got us.”

Keyleth takes a shaky breath. “Okay,” she says, gripping Vex’s hand. “Okay.”

Vex squeezes her hand one last time and then lets go. “I was going to save this,” she says, reaching under the table and lifting up a wooden box she’d brought with her, maybe a foot and a half in each dimension, “until Vax got back, but I think you should see it now.” She set the box on the table, then reaches into a pouch at her side and pulls out a parchment envelope. “Read this first.”

Keyleth frowns and takes the letter. She opens it, and feels the tears well even further as she begins to read, Percival’s even script filling the page.

_ My dear friends, _

_ First and foremost, congratulations. I will admit, I am unused to the announcement of such things being a time of celebration, rather than simply the solidifying of a political or financial alliance, but I hope you understand the sincerity of my joy on your behalf. I know how much family means to you both, and I wish you the greatest happiness as your own family begins to grow. _

_ Among nobility, as far as I can remember, giving gifts upon the birth of a child was an exercise in displaying one’s own wealth, far more than any true well-wishing. Given how radical a departure from tradition my life has become, I thought it only fitting to give you something that I thought would serve you well as new parents. I do remember my younger siblings, Cassandra in particular, being extraordinarily loud at all hours of the night in their early months, so perhaps my gift will allow you to get more sleep than is usual at such a time. _

_ (Please don’t tell Cassandra I said that.) _

_ I had originally thought of using a traditional Whitestone lullaby for this piece, but Vex informs me that Whitestone’s traditional songs are, and this is a direct quote, “creepy as all fuck,” so I have restrained myself. Instead, she was kind enough to teach me a song she says her mother used to sing when she was little. Vax, if your memory finds any failings in the recreation of such a melody here, please understand, it’s your sister’s fault. Keyleth, I don’t know if the Ashari have any tradition of lullabies, but if they do, I’d be happy to add to this piece at some point to include them. I only ask that you find someone else to teach them to me, as while you are a supremely talented and powerful woman, we both know singing is not one of your aptitudes, and I would like your child to hear music as they drift off to sleep, not, as Grog once put it, “a bunch of howler monkeys having a seizure.”  _

_ I wish deeply that I could deliver this to you in person, but my duties in Whitestone prevent me from leaving for the foreseeable future. I shall have to rely, as always, on Vex’ahlia, and trust that she will give me a full and accurate report of your reactions upon her return. Rest assured, I fully intend to visit once the child is born, so that someone might lay the foundations for their education in propriety and decorum, since gods all know they won’t get it from anyone else. _

_ May this piece watch over and comfort your child as you have done for all your family these many long years. _

_ All my love, _

_ Percival _

Keyleth is already blinking back tears when she finishes the letter, but she puts it aside and lifts the piece in question out of its box.

It’s a mobile, clearly designed to hang over a crib or a bed, worked in delicate spirals and shapes of brass and iron, shining in the afternoon light. As she holds it, Vex steps around the table and winds a small handle at the side of it, and the different pieces begin to shift and move. Keyleth looks closer, and realizes that the different shapes are people, moving in a circle around a central point. Each figure moves back and forth as they circle around, shifting in and out of pose. There’s a bearded goliath, much bigger than the others, raising and lowering his arms in an obvious flex of his muscles. There’s a tiny gnomish woman, tossing her head back and laughing at her friend. There’s an equally tiny gnomish man, raising and lowering a flute to his lips, legs moving in a spritely dance. There’s a tall human, accompanied by a hulking metallic figure, gesticulating with a quill pen, tossing his hair over one shoulder. There’s a half-elven woman with a long braid down her back, bobbing up and down on a broom, mid-flight, as a bear in armor runs along beneath her. There’s a half-elven man with enormous wings spreading from his shoulder blades, flapping gently behind him, his face tilted to the figure in front of him, a tiny smile etched into his metal face. And there’s another half-elven woman, long skirt swirling around her legs, her arms raised over her head, hands twisting in a dance of some sort, beaming as she moves, surrounded by her friends.

And in the center, coming from the box-like contraption in the middle of the mobile, drifts a gentle melody. It’s not one Keyleth recognizes, but it’s soft and sweet, simple and soothing and a little sad, and it rises and falls in time with the movements of the metal figures. It’s a beautiful piece of work, elaborate without being ostentatious, and must have taken all the time Percy had since they announced the pregnancy to build.

Keyleth promptly bursts into tears. 

“Oh,  _ Keyleth. _ ” Vex helps her set the mobile down on the table and wraps her in a hug.

“It’s- it’s the baby,” Keyleth says in between sobs. “It’s not- I cry at everything, it’s the stupid hormones, it’s not a big deal, I just-”

“I know, dear,” Vex says, and pats her back. “I know.” 

She’s just managed to calm down by the time Vax comes back, and of course they have to show it to him, and the look on his face when the music starts is enough to send all three of them into tears again. He pulls Vex and Keyleth both into a hug, and plants a kiss on Vex’s temple. “Thanks, Stubby,” he says, voice shaking, and Keyleth smiles even as she weeps into his woolen collar.

Maybe they’ll be alright, after all.

 

* * *

 

“It’s gonna be alright,” Vax says. 

“Is it?” Keyleth snaps. “Is it? Though?” She paces in front of him, sitting in his chair with his hands folded in his lap. She paces, hands braced on the small of her back, waiting for the healer to come back into the room. 

“Is it?” she says, voice rising in pitch and volume. “Because last time I checked, healers aren’t supposed to run their tests, frown, and then leave to talk to another healer for twenty minutes. Like-” She’s moving her hands now, for some reason, can’t seem to get them to stop. “That’s not, like, a  _ good _ sign, generally speaking, so-” She stops, hands falling to her belly. “Oh, gods, what if- the baby, what if something’s wrong- what if I- what if I messed up, what if I did something, if the baby’s-”

“Hey.” Vax grabs her hand, pulls her to sit in the chair next to his. “We’ll figure it out, alright? Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out, together.” 

Keyleth takes a deep breath, lets it out. “Is Vex still at the house?”

He nods. “Yeah. She said she’d already been here a month, she figured she might as well stay another day before heading out.” He smiles, very faintly. “Think she was worried about us.”

She tries to laugh. It doesn’t come out so good. 

The healer walks back into the room. Vax and Keyleth both start to rise, but she waves them back down. “I’m sorry for making you wait,” she says, taking a seat across from them. “I noticed some irregularities when I was checking you over, and I wanted a second opinion.”

Keyleth grips Vax’s hand so tight her knuckles whiten. “What kind of irregularities?”

The healer, Moreyna, folds her hands. “The size and growth of the infant seemed to be progressing too quickly for how far along you were. And when I listened for the heartbeat, I noticed something… odd.”

“Odd how?” Vax’s voice is so, so quiet. 

The healer smiles. “I promise, it’s not what you think.”

 

* * *

 

Vex laughs for a solid five minutes when they tell her.

“I really don’t think it’s that funny,” Keyleth says. She glances over from Vex, howling in her seat at the table, to Vax, in his own chair with his head in his hands, where he’s been since they got back from the healer’s compound. He lets out a soft, meaningful groan.

“Oh, no,” Vex pants out between cackles, “it’s exactly that funny. Ohhhh gods, it’s just perfect, isn’t it?”

“Twins,” Vax says, muffled into his hands. “How did we not think they might be twins.”

“I mean, okay,” Keyleth says, wishing very strongly that she could be drinking for this conversation, “twins. That’s- that’s more than we were expecting.”

“Twice as much!” Vex says, giddy. “A full 100% increase, even!”

“We can do this,” Keyleth says, nodding emphatically. “We can do this! We can-” She looks back to Vax. “We can do this, right?” He doesn’t answer, and her next attempt is much smaller. “...right?”

He looks up at that. “Yeah,” he says, to himself, she thinks, as much as to her. “Yeah, we can do this.” 

Vex leans over and takes Vax’s hand. “Oh, brother, dear,” she says, plastering a serious look on her face, “you’ll be fine.” He opens his mouth to respond, but she keeps going. “Just think: pretty soon you’ll have kids that’ll put you through what Mother went through with us!”

There’s a moment of horrified silence, and then Vax drops his head into his hands again. “Gods all help us,” he says, as Vex throws her head back and laughs.

 

* * *

 

Vex leaves, with a promise to visit once the babies ( _ babies _ ) are born and bring Percy with her, and life begins to settle into what Keyleth is tentatively thinking of as the new normal. Zephra moves through the season as it always does, and Keyleth takes a moment to appreciate how smoothly the village runs with her doing much less work as headmaster than she has in past years. She took herself off guard rotation ages ago, and on the advice of Moreyna, has limited her magic use to her basic and low-level spells. It’s kind of nice, having so little to do. She feels like she’s finally getting to take a break.

At first.

“Vax.”

No response.

“Vax.”

A soft sigh. Shuffling papers. A cough.

“Vaaaa-”

“ _ Yes _ , Kiki?” 

She drops her head over the side of the bed, looking upside down at Vax where he sits in the chair by the window. “I’m bored.”

“I’d noticed.”

“I have, like, two whole more months until these guys pop out-” she gestures expansively at her ever swelling stomach- “and I have literally nothing exciting left that I’m allowed to do.”

Vax snorts. “Kiki, c’mon, we’ve finished spring planting, the portal’s been calm for weeks, there’s no world-ending calamity looming over us. What exciting thing could you possibly be expecting to happen?”

Which is, of course, when the sentry horn sounds from the perimeter patrol. 

Keyleth stares at Vax. “You had to say it, didn’t you.” With a heave, she rolls to one side and pushes herself upright. “Okay, let’s go.”

Vax gets out of his chair. “Whoa, hey, you- you’re not going with me.”

She plants her hands on her hips (partly to emphasize her point, partly as a sneaky attempt to relieve the soreness in her back,  _ fuck _ she’s ready to not be pregnant anymore) and scowls at him. “I’m the headmaster, it’s my job to investigate threats, I’m going.”

He frowns. “It could be dangerous.”

“Again, danger to my people, kind of my whole thing.” Keyleth walks (waddles, really, but she likes to pretend she has at least some dignity left) over to the door and picks up her staff. “Are you coming?”

She doesn’t wait for a response, walking out the door and heading for the nearest guard station as quickly as her swollen feet will carry her. She feels Vax follow her, falling into his favored position just behind her as she moves, sticking to the shadows and assessing threats. It’s a familiar formation for the pair of them, even if Keyleth is a little more ungainly than in the past, and even if Vax seems to have gained a new level in overprotectiveness. Really, she should have seen this coming. Vax never cares about anything halfway.

They make it in good time, and find Captain Ilma with the rest of her guard, blocking the one road that leads up the mountain. “We found this one coming up from the lowlands this morning,” she says, gesturing to the cluster of guards surrounding something in their midst. “The next trade caravan’s not scheduled for another two months, and he doesn’t know any of the pass words for it to be something political.” She hesitates, unusual for her. Ilma’s never been afraid to speak what’s on her mind. It’s one of the reasons Keyleth values her so much. “He says he knows you, Headmaster.”

“Let me talk to him.” Keyleth turns to Vax, already protesting, but he holds up his hands. “If he knows you, he knows me, or he ought to. Just give me a minute to figure out what’s going on.” He ducks his head, then looks up at her, brow furrowed in worry. “Please?”

Keyleth sighs. “You know, that puppy dog look is gonna stop working on me eventually.”

He smiles and gives her a quick kiss. “Than I’d better make the most of it, hadn’t I?” He walks over to the guards. At his nods, Ilma gestures and the circle of people parts. Vax steps in, drawing breath to speak to whoever it is that’s intruding on Ashari territory- and then stops. Tilts his head. Laughs out loud.

“Scanlan?”

There’s a piercing, echoing slap of skin against skin as Keyleth smacks her hand over her eyes.

“Vax!” And, yep, that’s Scanlan alright. Vax vanishes into the circle of guards, presumably to hug their old friend. “How’ve you been?” Scanlan says as she walks forward. “Domestic life treating you well?”

“I’m great,” Vax says, as she steps up behind him. “We’re great, what are you doing here, man? Why didn’t you let us know you were coming?”

Scanlan laughs. “And ruin the surprise? It’s been ages since the last time we met up, I figured I’d drop in and see how my favorite married half-elves were doing and holy shit you’re pregnant.” 

Keyleth blinks at him, then looks down at her belly and claps her hands on it dramatically. “What?!?” She whips her head over to Vax, eyes wide and mouth agape in shock and horror. “Since when?!?”

Vax looks back at her, unimpressed, and she shrugs. “C’mon, how many times am I gonna get handed a line like that?”

“You’re pregnant.” Scanlan’s voice is uncharacteristically soft, almost wonderous, and Keyleth looks at him to find a softness in his face she’s only seen there once or twice before. It lasts only a moment before the far more familiar wicked grin appears. “Well, it’s a good thing I showed up then! After all, as the only one among us with parenting experience, I’m more than happy to offer my advice and wisdom-”

Vax laughs, reaching out to tug Scanlan against his for a one-armed hug. “Come on, old man,” he says, ruffling his hair. “You’re just in time for dinner.”

He stays longer than dinner, of course. They have a lot to catch up on, between the three of them, and that carries them through nearly a week of company and conversation. Despite his words, Scanlan seems to be avoiding talking about the babies. He gets a good laugh out of it when they tell him about the twins, but he’s almost… shy, is the best way Keyleth can think to describe it. 

It’s freaking her out, honestly. In her experience, avoiding talking about something just makes it worse when you finally do. And really, she’s had more than enough of secrets.

She decides to get it out of him when Vax is out of the house one day. Scanlan’s told them he’ll be leaving soon, “things to see and people to do” in his words, so it’s gotta be soon. She leans against the doorway of the guest room, only a guest room for a few more months. “Hey,” she says.

Scanlan looks up from the notebook open on his lap. “Hey,” he says. She sees what look like musical notes before he closes it and stands. “What’s up?”

She jerks a thumb over her shoulder. “Wanna take a walk with me?”

“A walk?” Scanlan frowns. “Should you be walking around in your-” He makes a brief nod toward her midsection. “...condition?”

Keyleth rolls her eyes. “I’m pregnant, I’m not dying. Come on.” She pushes off the wall, slow and lumbering like everything she does these days. “Walk with me.”

She leads him through the village, chatting idly about her duties as Headmaster and the changes she’s made since she took over from her father. They’re stopped every couple of minutes by members of the Ashari wanting to talk to Keyleth, ask her questions about the crop growth so far or plans for the upcoming Summer’s Crest, or just to offer her congratulations. It’s a little weird for her, having Scanlan see her in her role as Headmaster, and she can’t help wondering what he thinks of it. For all their time together, he wasn’t there for any part of her Aramente, and she wonders if he feels that absence as keenly as she does. 

Eventually they make it away from the center of the village and out toward the cliff. Keyleth keeps them inside the wind wall surrounding Zephra, but it’s close enough to the drop that Scanlan begins to fidget. “That’s quite a drop, huh,” he says, peering toward the edge.

Keyleth shrugs. “I’m used to it, I guess. Growing up here, it’s just… part of life.”

Scanlan nods, half a smile on his face, though she notices he keeps a good distance from the cliff. “In my experience people can get used to just about anything.”

They stand there for a bit, looking out over the lowland. It really is an incredible view. “So you gonna tell me what’s going on with you?”  Keyleth asks finally.

It’s a testament to how much Scanlan’s changed since they met that he doesn’t immediately try to make a joke. “I’ve been thinking,” he says. 

She cocks an eyebrow. “About?”

He grins, waves a hand dismissively. “I mean, not to make your whole impending parenthood about me, or anything-”

She shoves him and he laughs. “It’s just-” He sombers, looking out at the vista. “I wasn’t around for this part, you know?” He sticks his hands in his pockets. “It’s hard not to think about everything I missed.”

Keyleth walks over to a bench and eases down onto it. “You know Kaylie loves you, right? You’re a good dad.”

He hoists himself up onto the bench next to her, feet kicking idly. “Yeah, well. Took me a while.” 

She’s about to respond when her belly clenches. She lets out a sharp breath, hands flying to her stomach as there’s a ripple of pain through her midsection. 

Scanlan jumps up from the bench. “Oh, no. Ohhh gods. Keyleth? Keyleth look at me, uh, breathe. That’s a thing, right? Breathe. Breeeeaaathe. In, out, in out.” 

She rolls her eyes. “Relax Scanlan, I’m-” She tenses as the pain builds, then releases. “I’m fine.”

He twists his hands in the air between them, like he’s about to cast something but he’s not sure what. “But you’re- you’re in labor, right?”

Keyleth shakes her head. “It’s false labor. The healer said it’ll happen more and more as it gets closer to time.” She rubs a hand over her belly, feeling the babies shift inside her. “It’s my body’s way of getting me ready.” 

“Oh.” Slowly, he settles back on to the bench. “That- not gonna lie, this seems like a rough deal, Kiki.”

Keyleth sighs, eyes stinging. “Yeah, this part is- it fucking sucks.”

He knocks against her side. “At least you get some kids out of it, right? Little baby Vaxs running around?” He raises a hand, gesturing as if he can see the children in front of them. “Hey, do you think they’ll pop out brooding, or do they have to grow into it?”

That gets a laugh out of her, broken off by a wince as one of the babies delivers a particularly powerful kick to the inside of her belly. “Oof.” She rubs a hand over her stomach. “Easy there, little guy. Gal. Whatever you wanna be.” She looks up and realizes Scanlan is staring at her belly. “Wanna feel?”

He blinks. “What? I mean- I’m pretty sure Vax mentioned something about you, and people touching you, and you ripping off hands if it kept happening-”

Keyleth rolls her eyes. “That’s random people grabbing at me without asking. Here-” She grabs his wrist and lays his hand flat on her belly.

For a moment, nothing happens, and Keyleth’s about to call out her kids because really, they’ve been doing a solstice dance in there for the past six weeks and they pick  _ now _ to find their chill- But then there’s movement. She hears Scanlan’s sharp breath as one of them shifts, right under his hand.

“Whoa.” He grins, looks up at her. “Is that-”

She smiles. “Yup. That’s my kid.”

“That’s…” He trails off, rubbing his hand gently over her stomach. She’s about to speak, make some joke about it, when he starts talking again. “Hey, there, kid. Kids, I guess. I’m your Uncle Scanlan.” He grins. “I know, I know, you’ve probably heard all about me. Only good things, I hope.” He pauses as the babies move again, pressing his hand against the motion. “Listen, kids, I gotta tell you, your folks are great, but if you ever need anything, you hit up your Uncle Scanlan, okay? Not that I think you’ll need it. You got a great Mom and Dad waiting for you out here.” He leans in close to her belly, voice dropping to a whisper. “Don’t tell them I said that.”

Keyleth wipes her eyes, and Scanlan pulls her into a hug. “You’re gonna be fine, kid,” he says, and she laughs. 

“Yeah,” she says, as he presses a kiss to her temple, “keep telling yourself that.”

“You know, I could stick around for a while,” he says as they head back into the village. “Give you some tips, show you the ropes…”

Keyleth grins. “Sure, sounds great!”

Scanlan does a double take. “Really?”

She nods. “Yeah! You just gotta help me shove two cantaloupe-sized people out of my-”

He claps his hands over his ears and she laughs. Maybe this won’t be so scary after all.

 

* * *

 

It happens in the worst and scariest way possible. Which, by this point in her life, Keyleth probably should have expected.

Keyleth wakes in the middle of the night with a gasp, hand flying to her belly as pain rips through her, and she braces herself for another round of false labor. But this feels different. It’s stronger, more painful, and as she sits up, the feeling only grows. She waits for a couple of minutes, trying to breathe through it as she was taught, but she can’t, and it’s still hurting, so she reaches over and brushes a finger against the glowstone on the nightstand (a gift from Tary, sent with an effusive letter and the suggestion that they name a baby after him) sending light flaring through the room.

Vax rolls over and pushes himself up onto an elbow. “Keyleth, what’s-” He sits up, swiping a hand over his eyes, then freezes. “What’s going on?”

“I think-” Keyleth begins, but she’s cut off by another wave of pain, and the words freeze in her throat as the contraction sweeps through her. Without thinking she flails for Vax’s hand, grabbing onto him and squeezing as her body tightens and seizes. It lasts a while, longer than the others, and just as it finishes there’s a rushing feeling between her legs.

“The babies are coming,” Vax says, and makes to stand up, but Keyleth still clutches on to his hand.

“No,” she says, “not yet, it’s not- it’s too soon, and anyway, Moreyna said the contractions could take ages, we shouldn’t go get her until my water breaks, at least-”

She goes to sit up and the blanket falls away from her hips. Vax glances down, eyes widening, and Keyleth follows his gaze.

The sheets underneath her are wet.

“I’m getting the healers,” Vax says, and this time she lets him go without protest. 

Vax is gone for only minutes, running from the house for the healers like it’s the old days and he’s clicked his Boots, but to Keyleth it feels an eternity. Moreyna had said walking helped the contractions, and she tries, she does, stripping the sheets and running water to soak them, her brain fixating those simple tasks.

She’s just finished putting clean sheets on the bed when the next wave of contractions hit, and she crumples to the floor almost instantly, her whole body spasming and curling around her belly. She doesn’t realize she’s weeping until Vax’s hands are brushing the tears from her cheeks, doesn’t realize she’s crying out until Vax’s voice is in her ear, “it’s alright, it’s alright, the healers are here, it’s okay, just breathe, love, please, breathe.”

The next few minutes are a blur of hands and bodies and voices. At any other time, Keyleth might take issue with the number of people touching her body, pulling her nightgown off and pulling her back to the bed, brushing the hair back from her face and wiping the birthwater away from between her legs, but right now the only thing she can focus on is the tightening in her hips, the spasming pain in her back and belly, and always, always, the firm press of Vax’s hand in hers. 

It lasts for what feels like an eternity. Moreyna says she’s moving quickly, says first-time mother have faster labors, but it doesn’t feel quick to Keyleth. The contractions build and build, coming faster and lasting longer, until she can no longer walk to help the pain, can’t do anything but sit on the bed and try to breathe. Almost without helping it, she drops her head to the side until it lands on Vax’s shoulder, her eyes closed and her breath panting. “Vax,” she gasps between bursts of pain, her voice nearly lost against his skin.

“I’m here,” he says, shifting until he can press his forehead to hers. “I’m here, Keyleth, I’ve got you.”

“It’s too soon-”

“I know, Kiki, I know-”

“It’s too soon-” She’s sobbing, has been for a while, and she takes another heaving breath. “It’s too soon, Pike- Pike should be here, we have to wait for Pike-”

“I know,” he says, pressing kisses to her temple and squeezing her hand like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded, “I know, but we can’t, Kiki, they’re coming, the babies are coming  _ now _ -”

As if to prove his point, Keyleth yells as another contraction wracks her frame. From her position between Keyleth’s legs, Moreyna ducks her head. “Getting closer,” she says, voice steady despite it all, and Keyleth takes a moment to send a blessing to Melora for her servant’s presence in this moment. “A few more minutes and you can start pushing.”

Keyleth shakes her head frantically. “I don’t wanna push, I can’t-” She turns to Vax, pleading. “I’m not ready, we’re not ready, it’s too soon, Vax, I can’t-” 

“Yes, you can.” 

Keyleth’s head snaps around. There, in the doorway, white hair a windswept mess, a familiar enormous figure looming behind her, is Pike. “You can,” Pike says, “and you will.”

Keyleth absolutely breaks. “Pike!” She’s sobbing and shaking and reaching desperately for her friend, and when Pike moves to her side and presses their foreheads together, she collapses onto the gnome’s smaller frame. “Pike, what are you doing here? It’s- it’s too early, how-”

“Sarenrae.” Pike smiles, brushing the sweat-damp hair back from Keyleth’s forehead. “She sent me dreams of you in pain, and I knew we had to hurry.”

Keyleth sobs. “I can’t- It hurts, Pike, please-”

“It’s gonna be okay,” Pike says, hands already glowing, and Keyleth gasps as the familiar warm energy seeps through her. 

It doesn’t erase the pain, not completely, but it’s enough to clear her head. She takes a deep breath, lets it settle in her chest, feels the grounding of Vax’s hand and Pike’s presence, and the now-familiar shifting weight of the babies in her belly. “Okay,” she says, cheeks wet but voice steady, “okay.” She nods, looks to Pike. “I’m good. Let’s go.” 

Pike grabs her hand and squeezes, once, before ducking around and taking Moreyna’s place between her spread legs. “Okay, Keyleth,” she says. “ _ Push _ .”

It goes like that for an uncountable time. Keyleth breathes when she’s told, and pushes when she’s told, and concentrates whatever energy she has left on Vax’s hand in her hand, his arm around her shoulders supporting her weight, his voice in her ear and his lips on her temple. She leans into him and pushes against him, and he takes every bit of it without complaint. “You’ve got this, Kiki,” he says, over and over, fevered like a prayer. “You can do it, I’ve got you, we’ve got you, just breathe. Just breathe.” 

It’s been gods know how long when the pain begins to build, the waves of it coming longer and closer together. Keyleth leaves off speaking to Vax and Pike, her voice coming out in grunts and moans and cries of effort and pain. “It hurts,” she pants, “fuck-  _ fuck,  _ Pike, I can’t-”

“You can,” Pike says, firm and unwavering, “Keyleth, look, feel-” 

Without warning, she grabs Keyleth’s free hand and brings it down between her legs, and Keyleth gasps as her fingers glide over something firm and slick. “Is that-”

“It’s the head,” Pike says, a hint of wonder creeping into her solemn tone. “It’s your baby’s head, Keyleth, just one more, one more big push Keyleth, come on-”

Keyleth squeezes Vax’s hand, and she takes a deep breath, and she cries out with effort, and she pushes.

Something gives.

There’s a rush, a release, and Keyleth falls back against Vax’s chest at the sudden absence of the pain, and closes her eyes just for a second-

And she hears her baby cry. 

Her eyes snap open. “Is that-”

Over her shoulder, Vax nods. “Yeah, that’s- it’s-”

“Here.” And there’s Moreyna, wrapping a clean towel around a squirming, squawling, lump in her arms. She wipes away some slick fluid and carefully holds the bundle out towards Vax. “Meet your daughter.”

Vax takes the baby from Moreyna like he thinks if he touches her she’ll break. He brings her to his chest (making sure to support her head, when did he learn to do that), and he just. He just looks at her. Keyleth’s never seen him look at anything, at any- _ one _ , like this, like the entire center of his world just shifted. Then he tilts his arms so she can see their daughter, and she gets it, because oh  _ god _ .

Their daughter is tiny. She’s bright pink, and wrinkly, and covered in blood and gods know what else, and screaming loud enough to make her ears hurt. 

She’s the most perfect thing Keyleth’s ever seen.

“Vax…” 

She reaches out a trembling hand and brushes it against her daughter’s head. There’s hair, she realizes, an already thick scruff of black hair on top of her head, just like her father’s, and Keyleth can’t help but giggle because of all the possibilities she’d imagined for this moment, she’d somehow never considered that her baby might come out with  _ hair _ . 

She’s settled a bit, no longer wailing as she squirms in Vax’s arms. She nuzzles her head against his chest, already rooting for milk, and Vax laughs too, breaking the silent awe of the moment. “You’re out of luck there, little one,” he says, shifting to settle her a little more securely. “Your mum’s the one to ask if you’re hungry.”

Keyleth starts to say something, maybe ask to hold her daughter ( _ her daughter _ ), but another contraction tears the words from her throat.

Right. Twins.

“Okay,” Pike says, settling back between Keyleth’s legs, determination writ large across her face. “Round two, let’s go.” 

Keyleth looks up at Vax just in time to see the indecision flicker through him: whether to keep his focus on his daughter already born or help his wife with the next baby. “It’s fine,” she says, smiling around the panting, “Vax, it’s ok. One more time, right? I got this, it’s gonna be-” 

The pain hits this time, and it’s worse. She hadn’t thought it could be, but it is, and she watches Vax’s eyes widen at the cry she makes before her eyes snap shut, everything in her in agony as the contraction hits, and then another, and another, again and again. 

When she opens her eyes, the sheets between her legs are stained with blood. 

“Something’s wrong,” Pike says.

“What do you mean,” Vax says, and Keyleth is so desperately grateful that he’s here with her, that he can ask that, because she can’t speak, can’t do anything but stare at the red smears on her thighs and beneath her hips in blank, all-consuming horror.

“Something’s  _ wrong _ ,” Pike says. She puts her hands on Keyleth’s belly as the pain starts, again, ignoring Keyleth’s moan. “It’s the baby,” she says after a moment, her voice steady even as her eyes show her fear and worry. “The baby’s breech, it’s torn something inside her.” 

“What do we do?” Vax asks. He’s frozen, almost, holding their daughter to his chest like he thinks someone will try to take her from him.

Pike bites her lip and looks to Keyleth. “I’m gonna try and deliver the baby as best I can,” she says. “Keyleth.”

Keyleth focuses on Pike. 

“This is gonna hurt,” Pike says, her voice breaking for the first time. “I’m sorry.”

The next few minutes are among the most excruciating of Keyleth’s life. Her hands are shaking and her thighs are slick and it’s like she’s watching herself from a hundred feet away, only a tiny detached part of her brain still aware, still screaming with pain and terror for her child who hasn’t even had the chance to be her child yet. Vax is with her again, he must have let somebody else hold the baby, because he’s got her hand in his and is squeezing, telling her to push, to keep going, and she’s trying, Vax, she’s  _ trying _ , but it  _ hurts _ , it hurts so much and she’s so tired, and there’s so much blood. 

“Vax,” she says, some time later. She doesn’t know how much, she can’t tell if it’s been hours or minutes since this started. “Vax.”

“I’m here.” Vax’s face appears in front of her, brow furrowed with worry, and he brushes some sweat-soaked hair back from her cheek. “I’m here, love.”

“Vax,” she gasps. “Vax, promise me…”

“It’s alright,” he says, almost instinctual at this point. “It’s alright, save your strength.”

She shakes her head, as best she can. “Vax, listen, you have to promise. You have to- If Pike can’t- If you have to choose-” He tries to interrupt but she pushes on, “If you have to- Promise me you’ll save the baby.” He shakes his head, tears streaming down his face, and she squeezes his hand tighter, because she can already feel her strength flagging, “Vax,  _ promise me _ -”

Before he can answer, there’s another contraction. “Keyleth, push!” Pike calls, and Keyleth does, with the last of her will, and she feels something give. She sees Pike lift something up, hears Vax’s worried voice asking if the baby’s alright, feels his hand slip out of hers as he rushes to Pike and their child. She has just enough strength to pray, to whoever may be listening, that their child will be well, and then the world around her fades to black.

 

* * *

 

Darkness. Darkness around her, darkness within her. She drifts in a sea of nothing. The closest she can compare it to is nights in the Underdark, miles away from any source of light, but even then there was the close heat in the air, the smell of sweat and sulphur, the sound of dripping water and her friends shifting in their sleep. This is the pure and total absence of sensation, so absolute that for long moments she forgets what it is to have a body, to have a soul. 

The darkness shifts. Solidifies. Keyleth blinks and remembers the movement of her eyes. Digs her fingernails into her palms and remembers the bite of pain. Breathes deep and remembers the relief of the burning ache in her lungs. She looks up, and realizes there is an up.

She’s still surrounded by darkness, but it’s gained definition. She stands in the center of it, and from it emerges an equally dark figure. Dark clothes, dark hair, dark feathers, and a blinding white, porcelain mask.

“Fuck me,” Keyleth says, as the Raven Queen materializes in front of her. 

The expression of the mask doesn’t change, of course it doesn’t, but Keyleth swears the voice that echoes in her mind is almost… amused.  _ Hello, Keyleth _ .

“Hi.” The realization seeps into her bones, slower and easier than it has any right to be. “Am I dead?”

The figure--goddess--in front of her shifts again. Or maybe it’s Keyleth’s perspective that shifts. Either way they’re standing face to face, height to precisely equal height.  _ You are in transition. _ As before, the voice doesn’t come from behind the mask. It doesn’t come from anywhere, it seems, except maybe echoing up from the base of Keyleth’s skull.  _ The twilight between realms. Neither one thing nor the other. _

Keyleth takes a deep breath. “So… I’m not dead.” She frowns. “Then why are you here?”

_ Does my interest in your fate surprise you? You have done great deeds in my service. _

“ _ Vax _ has done great deeds in your service.” The words ring out sharply in the empty space. “Nothing I’ve done has been for you.” 

The masked head tilts, ever so slightly.  _ You are not afraid of me. _ It’s not a question.

Keyleth shrugs. “It takes a lot to scare me, these days.” 

“Keyleth!” 

The voice tears through the solemn silence, and Keyleth’s head whips around, trying to find the source. 

“No, no no no, no, please!”

Keyleth’s heart lurches. “Vax…” 

“Please, please, no!” She remembers hearing his voice like this once before, in the sunken tomb, back where all of this started. It’s the same agony, the same desperation, but now with added weight. Now he knows who he’s talking to. “Please, I can’t- I can’t do this without her, please- we need her, her daughter needs her, we need them both, please don’t take them-” 

“Both…” That realization pierces the unsettling calm. “Is the baby okay?” There’s no response from the motionless mask, and Keyleth feels bile rising in her throat. “Is my baby alright?” Her jaw clenches, and she whirls on the goddess before her. “If you hurt our child, I swear to you, by all the gods in Vasselheim-” 

_ Despite what you may think of me, I am not, and have never been, a killer.  _ Keyleth blinks and the Raven Queen is no longer standing in front of her. The goddess is immense, her porcelain face vast, filling Keyleth’s vision. Light springs up behind her, a glowing golden tapestry, each thread distinct and shimmering.  _ I find no joy in the death of any living thing, no more than do you.  _ As Keyleth watches, the tapestry warps and twists, spreading until it circles Keyleth, until she’s nearly ensnared by it.  _ The fate of my champion is wound with yours, as is the fate of your children.  _

“None of us asked for your fate!” Keyleth is shaking now, her nails biting into her palms. “You swooped in and you- you derailed our lives, and you tried to take Vax, and now you’re gonna take me away from my  _ children _ -”

_ I take nothing that is not willingly offered. _ The fate-threads tighten around Keyleth and then release, scattering in a shower of golden sparks. The Raven Queen comes closer, or diminishes, until the dark pools of her eyes are at a level with Keyleth’s own.  _ I am not the evil you wish me to be _ .

Keyleth clenches her fists. “Maybe not,” she says. “But you’re not good.”

_ No, _ the goddess says, quiet as winter’s night.  _ I merely am. _ She moves closer and Keyleth gasps as ice-cold porcelain lips press against her forehead.  _ We will meet again, Keyleth of Vox Machina and the Air Ashari. Now go. My Champion is waiting, and we both know how little he grasps the virtue of patience _ .

And then there is only darkness once more.

 

* * *

 

Keyleth wakes up.

She’s as surprised as anybody. Her eyes blink open in the late morning light, golden sunbeams streaming through the window. It’s so calm that she just lays there for a moment, letting her mind settle back into her body, before she remembers everything that happened before she passed out and bolts upright.

“Whoa, there,” says a low, rumbling voice from next to the bed, but Keyleth doesn’t need the warning as her whole body rebels against the sudden movement. “Hey, hey, take it easy,” and there’s a heavy hand on her shoulder, helping her lean back to sit up against the headboard.

Keyleth blinks. “Grog?” 

And there he is, as large and as gentle as ever, a worried frown creasing his face. “How- how are you feeling?” Grog asks, his hand lifting from her shoulder and then hovering next to it, as though he’s not quite sure if he can touch her without hurting her. 

She lifts a hand to her face, rubs the crusty sleep dust out of her eyes. “How long was I out?”

“Almost two days.” The shock must show on her face, because Grog puts his hand back on her shoulder as if to steady her. “You were real fucked up, Keyleth. Pike said if you’d lost any more blood when you were, y’know…”

Keyleth lifts an eyebrow. “Shoving two entire people out through my vagina?”

To her astonishment and delight, Grog actually flushes. “Yeah. Well, Pike said it was real close, for you and the little one.”

She almost laughs at him, but the laughter is lost in the rush of remembering. “Oh, gods. Oh, gods, Grog- The baby, are they- did they-”

His eyes widen. “They’re fine, they’re  _ both  _ fine, here-” He gets up and hurries over to what she didn’t notice before: a large crib in the corner of the room. There’s a pause as he lifts something, two somethings, out, then turns around and, as slowly and gingerly as Keyleth has ever seen him, comes back over to sit on the bed, a tiny half-elf baby cradled in each arm. 

“They’re good,” he says when she stays silent. “Pike says they’re really little- I mean, everyone’s little to me, y’know, but.” He looks down at the babies. They’re each barely larger than one of his hands. “They’ll grow, though.” 

Keyleth does laugh at that, can laugh, now that she sees they’re safe. “I hope so.” 

They sit there for a moment, just looking, before Grog shakes his head. “You wanna hold ‘em?” he says, as though the thought just occurred to him. “I mean- you’re their mum, and you haven’t had a chance yet, that don’t seem right.” 

Keyleth takes a breath. “Yeah,” she says. “Yeah. Okay.” 

There’s a pause. Grog looks at her, then at the babies, then back at her. “...which...one?” he says.

She considers. “The little one,” she says. “The one that… the second one.” 

“Yeah, alright.” He shifts and passes the baby over. “Mind her head, Pike says she’s extra little.”

Keyleth’s heart turns over in her chest. “She?”

Grog smiles. “Yeah. Pair of daughters. Thought Vax was gonna keel right over, he was that proud.” His smiles fades, and he looks away. “And then you were in a bad way, and so was the little one…”

She looks down at her second daughter. This one has much less hair than her sister, and what’s there is a wispy golden-red. Taking after her mother, then. “Where is he?”

“Asleep. He was in here with you and the littles for like, a whole day, but Pike made him go and get some rest.” The baby in Grog’s hold shifts, whapping his chest with a tiny fist. “Whoa,” he says, looking to Keyleth. “Did you see that? She hit me!”

Keyleth smiles. “Did it hurt?”

He grins. “Nah, she’s gotta get strong first.” He reaches out one massive finger and the baby latches onto it, her fingers curling, too small to reach fully around. “Gonna be a monstah, just like Auntie Pike.” 

The baby in Keyleth’s arms stirs, letting out little grunts as she nuzzles against Keyleth’s chest. Grog frowns. “What’s she doing?”

Keyleth smiles, because she actually knows this. “She’s hungry.” She reaches for the laces at the front of her shirt, then pauses. “You don’t- You don’t mind, do you?”

Grog shrugs. “Nah. ‘s just tits, right? I mean, tits are tits, really. You seen one pair, you basically seen ‘em all.” His eyes widen. “Don’t tell Vex I said that.”

She nods solemnly. “I won’t.” It takes a little fumbling, but eventually she gets the shirt down and off one shoulder enough for the baby to latch onto her breast. It’s a very weird feeling, breastfeeding, and a couple times there’s definitely more teeth involved than she would like, but. 

It feels good. For all her worry about being a good mom, here she is, taking care of her kid. And maybe it’s something super basic and instinctive and not actually that big of a deal, but it’s  _ something _ . 

There’s a rustling at the door, and Keyleth looks up to see Vax, hair a mess and still in his rumpled sleep pants. “I told you to get me when she woke up,” he says, although he’s too groggy (ha) to put any real heat in it. 

“I was gonna,” Grog says, “but.” He shrugs, and the baby in his arms takes the movement as an opportunity to begin screaming again. Grog immediately looks horrified with himself. “Sorry!” he says to her, bouncing her gently and looking to Keyleth with a panicked expression.

“Here,” Vax says. He sits on the bed and takes her from Grog. She quiets immediately, which seems to surprise Vax, but he starts rocking her anyway. “There, now,” he says, lifting her up to press a kiss to her forehead, “be nice to Uncle Grog, yeah?”

Keyleth’s a little surprised to realize she’s tearing up. It’s all so much: her with their daughter at her breast, Vax with their other daughter in his arms, and-- Even when she was pregnant, she hadn’t really thought- She’d hoped they’d get here, but it hadn’t seemed possible, hadn’t seemed  _ real _ . 

For all his faults, there are moments when Grog is actually perceptive. He coughs, and stands up. “I’ll just.” He jerks a thumb towards the door. “I should tell Pike you’re awake.” He starts to walk away, then turns back to Keyleth. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he says. “I mean, I know it sucked for you, but.” He smiles. “You made two whole people, all on your own.”

“I like to think I made some contributions,” Vax says, bone-dry from the bed next to them.

Grog ignores him. “You’s a badass, Keeks,” he says, and before she can respond, he leans over, kisses her forehead, turns, and walks out. 

“Do you think we’ll ever reach a point where that man stops surprising me?” Vax asks.

Keyleth smiles around the lump in her throat. “I hope not.” 

There’s a moment of silence. The baby at Keyleth’s breast finishes, for the moment, and it’s only a few seconds of rocking before she drifts back to sleep. Keyleth looks up to find Vax watching her, expression unreadable. “Hey,” she says.

“Hey,” he says. Slowly, so as not to disturb the kids, he leans over and kisses her. “I thought I’d lost you,” he says, forehead pressed to hers. 

Keyleth sighs. “I’m right here,” she says, leaning into his touch. “I’m okay.” She pulls back enough to nod at the baby in her arms. “We’re okay.” 

Vax settles their dark haired daughter in one arm and reaches a hand out to stroke the other’s head. “She almost didn’t make it,” he says. Keyleth leans her head on his shoulder, watching his fingers trembling against her wispy hair. “Both of you, you were… Pike would never say it, but you were almost beyond her reach.” 

“Not beyond yours.” He looks at her, confused, and she smiles into his skin. “I heard you.” She meets his eyes. “I heard you praying.” 

He shudders under her touch. “I don’t think I’ve ever prayed for anything so hard.” 

“She said they had--a destiny.” Vax looks up at her and frowns, and she goes on. “Us, and our children. The way she talked, it was like… Like you told me she talks about you.” Keyleth pauses. “Fate-touched.”

He looks away from her than, down at the baby in his arms. She watches as he lifts his daughter and resettles her, reaching out until she wraps a tiny fist around his finger. “We’ll help them,” he says at last. “If that’s… We knew the world we were bringing them into. All we can do is guide them on their way.” His eyes are glassy. “I want to promise that I won’t let anything hurt them, but-”

“But you can’t. Neither of us can.” Keyleth brushes a hand over her baby’s fuzzy red hair, watches the little face scrunch up in infant indignation. “They’re gonna get hurt.” 

“Yeah.” Vax swallows hard. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Kiki,” he says, soft and shaking.

Keyleth shifts her baby until she can free a hand to grasp his. “Me, either,” she says. It’s not very comforting, unfortunately, but from the watery smile Vax gives her, she thinks he understands.

They sit there for a while, gentle silence broken only by the soft noises of the twins as they shift and settle into sleep. “We’ll need to come up with names for them,” Vax says after a while, “to give them on their nameday.”

Keyleth leans over and kisses him again, with all the warmth and ease of a married couple with a lifetime ahead of them, their children cradled in their arms. “I’m sure we’ll think of something,” she says, “I’m not worried.” 

And for the first time in a long time, she thinks, it’s true. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm gonna give these kids a happy ending if it freaking kills me


End file.
